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Rock of Love Girls: Charm School is coming!@ 

with Sharon Osbourne =o(

http://blog.vh1.com/2008-05-20/exclusive-rock-of-love-girls-head-to-charm-school-with-sharon-osbourne/#more-23104

Still.  This will be the most awesome thing in the history of television.

Instead of being productive, I'm content to giggle. 

030308

This cracks me up.  Jeff Dunham always cracks me up.  I don't care if everyone hates him.  I'm abusing Vox today. Sorry. 

Jeff Dunham Achmed's "Jingle Bombs"

I need to get this off my chest.

WHY?!

First, why must peanut butter be so delicious?  It's become my go to food now that cheese is out.  Unfortunately, it makes cheese look downright healthy in a lot of ways.  So, why?  Why must you be so delicious? 

Second, why must everyone screw around with peanut butter?  I was looking at the list of ingredients for some popular brands and I was taken aback.  Really? Does peanut butter need 14 different things in it?  No, it doesn't.  The best peanut butter I've ever had had one ingredient. Guess what it was! Peanuts!  You push the button and machine grinds out a pound of pure, organic, all natural peanut butter in front of your eyes.  If it's your thing, throw in a little salt, too.  At the absolute most, peanuts, salt, and oil.  NOTHING ELSE, DUDE! NOTHING ELSE!@  It doesn't need four oils.  It doesn't need sugar and molasses.  It definitely doesn't need those.  I honestly can't eat that peanut butter anymore.  It's so sweet and..icky.  That's right. Icky.

Stop giving people all that crap. 
It's almost as bad as the stupid guacamole crap that Kraft (I think it's Kraft) is pushing that is less than 2% avocado.  What the shit?  How can you call it guacamole  when it's 98% not avocado?   You bastards. 

I don't want go find a real job.  I don't think I have a choice because someone has decided to go and fuck with my two main sources of income.  I hate the concept of "rotations".  I can stomach it when it's a "once a month" thing, though.  When "Main Source of Income A" goes to a 60-day rotation, that fucking sucks.  When "Main Source of Income B" goes to a 90-day rotation, that basically fucks everything up to a serious point.

Damn my lack of skills, concern, or job appropriate clothing. I don't know what I'm going to do.

This season just isn't entertaining to me, and because of that I think I'm starting to see that Bret Michaels is a very creepy  and odd man. Maybe the word I'm really looking for is douchebag.  I wish this season of Rock of Love had never happened.  The awesome feelings that came with last season have been crushed.

Damn you, Bret. Damn you. 

Let me clarify what I mean by creepy.  I mean that I imagine that there is a secret room under his dirt bike track filled with dead strippers in awkward poses, covered in mud, on bikes, or whatever.  I imagine that he goes in there regularly, walks up to them and says, "That is so hot. I am so turned on right now. Diabeetus!"

Edit:
Okay, well. The Mud Bowl thing was kind of an entertaining episode, and it's growing on me again, like a really scary fungus. 

Dear Hollywood,

It has come to my attention that you're up to some awfully terrible things these days.  No, I'm not talking about writer's strikes (though I do fully support the writers).  Yes, I am talking about remakes.   Basically, you've bastardized too many movies already, but you're really crossing the line.  Enough is enough, guys.  I understand that some of these movies were great.  I understand that they were great ideas.  However, they are not your ideas.  It's time to come up with your own great ideas.  You need to come up with your own new and exciting concepts. 

A few things have recently been brought to my attention, and they absolutely disgust me:

First, I have a hard time understanding the need to recreate the original Friday the 13th movie.  Make another shitty sequel if you must, but this movie doesn't need to be remade.  It is what it is and should remain as such.   Leave it alone.

Second, why are you remaking Hellraiser, you shits?   Why do you think that anyone is qualified to play the Lead Cenobite but Doug Bradley?  In the mainstream, Hellraiser isn't even considered that much of a success or a classic?  Why mess with it?  Why not leave it alone?  It's disgraceful and embarassing.

Third, I have had something beyond frustrating brought to my attention.  Someone is going to remake the Crow.  Really?  Is that necessary?  No, it's not necessary.  It's a great movie exactly as it is and Brandon Lee did a beautiful job.  Wait a minute.  You're thinking of casting..who?  Jason Statham?  You guys can fuck right off straight to hell. 

The final two items go hand in hand because they are related to the same person.  Thus, let me preface this appropriately. 

Fuck you, Michael Bay.  The only thing you've ever done in your life is take something that people have strong memories and attachments to and ruined it.  You are a horrible film-maker and absolute cunt.  I will never in my life call anyone else as cunt because that would mean I'm putting them on the same level as you, and that's not fair. 

Why do you insist on remaking the Nightmare on Elm Street?  Why do you insist on destroying and perverting such a great horror film?  WHY?  Wait.  You want to remake the entire series?  Oh, fuck you.  Wait.  Someone other than Robert Englund is going to play Freddy.  Good sir, if I ever meet you on the street I'm going to lay waste to your testicle with my foot.  Robert Englund is Freddy Krueger, period.  End of discussion.  This is absolutely horrible and heart-wrenching.  I can't imagine anything worse. It can't get worse than this, can it?

It just did.  Michael Bay's production company also has another remake in the works.  What's that, you ask?  The Birds.  Thats right, the Birds.  I don't know how to express my anger and disappointment, so I'll simply say this:
Get your god damned hands off of my Hitchcock, you motherfuckers.  How do you even have this job?

Sincerely,

Patrick

How do you stay organized? 
Submitted by devillibrarian. 

That's easy.  I don't.  I mean, I try.  I'll go all crazy and set everything up and it's beautiful and efficient for about 2 days before it goes to hell again. 

I wish I could stay organized.  I can organize other peoples things.  I just can't do mine.  It's one of the few things that I just can't do, no matter how hard I try.  Fuck organization. 

Show us your job.

What food item would you miss the most if it were removed from your diet and recipes? 
Submitted by scorpion1116.  

Cheese.

God damn mother fucking ass hell bitch cheese.

I know this, because I miss it.  I do.   Life without cheese really isn't life at all.